I hate the fact that I live outside the box. I wish I was in the box. I’m tired of people staring at me. Don’t I have the right to be me?
So, I had the uncomfortable awakening of hearing two ideal candidates to teach English abroad – young, vanilla (otherwise known as White), willing to talk to everyone, out to have a good time. No, it is not a typo that I heard them, I refused to even look at them or talk with them. I “slept” under the covers the one night they were here (in the hostel). The second I heard those proper voices and the fact that they were English teachers, I wanted to rip my eardurms from their safe habitat.
Enter That Green-Eyed Monster
What is wrong with people? Don’t they know how intelligent I am? Don’t they realize that I would be an asset to almost any situation in which I am placed? Have they not eyes? Do they not see?
Yeah, they do see…and what they see, they don’t like, for whatever reason. But, if I am so intelligent, if I would be an asset to any situation, then why am I sat here having a pity party with that Green-Eyed Monster. Well, I’m not anymore.
I considered myself immune to the charms of the Green-Eyed Monster – but, I am definitely not. He lay in the bed with me last night, trying to seduce me into exchanging my realistic rose-colored glasses for his deathly green contacts. I was tempted, I almost said yes, but then, by God’s grace, my eyes were opened to the fact that I don’t need to be jealous, I don’t have to be angry and boiling with envy…I can just do something, do something to make my situation, my life different. And, so, I have.
God forgive me and I forgive myself for sleeping with the enemy last night, I’m pretty sure it won’t happen again…but, if it does, I’m only human.